Will Hines in his former kitchen.
Performer, Web Designer:
Will Hines
THE OSGOOD-SCHALTTER SHOW -- PAST SHOWS
Compiled by Will Hines and Rob Lathan

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It has been said that there is a lot of useless information available on the Internet. Here is more of such information: a list of every piece performed at The Osgood-Schlatter Show. All performances at St. Marks Theater unless otherwise noted. A partial list of performers is at the end of the page.

Thanks to everyone who helped run the show:

Tech: Shows 1-6, Noel Dineen; Shows 7, 9-11 -- DJ Dan Dunford; Show 8 -- Brandy Barber and Porter Mason; Show 12 -- Julie Tudor; Show 13 -- Kevin Hines; Show 14 -- Mary Regan; Show 15 - Rob Cacy; Show 16 - Brad S.; Show 17-23: Chris Kula; Show 24 - Eric Appel; Show 25-31, 33 -- Chris Kula; Show 32, 34 -- Pat Baer;

And special help from: Jason Quinn, Sean Loughlin, Marlena Bitner, Chris Kula, Lisa Ackerman and Amey Goerlich.

January 2002 (4 shows)
April - May 2002 (3 shows)
August - September 2002 (4 shows)
January - February 2003 (3 shows)
March 2003 (2 shows)
April - May 2003 (7 shows)
June-July 2003

August 2003

January 2002

Show 1 -- Jan 5, 2002
  1. Intro -- Rob Lathan, w/ failed voiceovers
  2. Masturbation -- Will Hines, Jessica Myles, Mitch Magee and Jane Borden.
  3. Stand-Up - Ed Helms
  4. Robot Temp -- Jane, Will, Rob
  5. Music - John Moye
  6. Improv - Curtis Gwinn and John Gemberling
  7. Music - Teddy Crawford
  8. Trivial Pursuit, China vs. Horse -- Ptolemy Slocum, Rob
Show 2 -- Jan 12, 2002
  1. Mark Cuban, Dallas Mavericks Coach -- Rob
  2. Intro - Rob
  3. Stand-up - Michael Rosner
  4. Stand-up - Sean Conroy
  5. Will Was Raped By Benicio Del Toro Song -- Will, Rob, Curtis
  6. Stand-Up - Ed
  7. Improv - Curtis and John
Show 3 -- Jan 19, 2002
  1. Fugatives Sing Knights in White Satin -- Ptolemy, Rob, Will, Myles
  2. Character piece - Ed
  3. Ex-Girlfriend DVD commentary -- Will, Jess Allen, Julie Klausner, Gemberling
  4. Peanut Butter Jam, Y'all -- Jane, Porter Mason, Ed, Julie, Rob
  5. Music - Moye
  6. Improv - Curtis and John
  7. Monologue - Jackie Clarke
Show 4 -- Jan 26, 2002
  1. Silent Movie: The Escape -- Rob, Gemberling, Will
  2. Intro - Rob
  3. Bad TV Show Ideas --Gemberling, Rob, Will, Mitch, Ptolemy
  4. Sketch and Improv -- Matt DeCoster + Andy Rocco
  5. Improv - Curtis and John Gemberling
  6. Music -- Teddy
  7. Alien Likes Jane Fonda -- Mitch, Curtis, Will
  8. Backstage Fight At Osgood-Schlatter -- Ptolemy, Myles, Rob, Curtis, Gemberling, Mitch, Will
  9. Lobster Race -- Noel Dineen

April 2002

Show 5 -- April 6, 2002
  1. 7th Grade Girls Basketball Coach -- Rob
  2. Intro - Rob
  3. Monologue - Brian Finkelstein
  4. Underpants - Mitch, Will
  5. One-Armed Sunday School Teacher -- Jane
  6. Blind Date -- Ptolemy and Myles
  7. Rock and Tree - Noel and co.
  8. Music -- Teddy
Show 6 -- April 13, 2002
  1. Backstage Pre-Show -- Rob, cast, Ptolemy as "death"
  2. Intro - Rob
  3. Porn Voiceovers - Naked Babies
  4. Monologue -- Curtis
  5. Stand-up - Ed
  6. I Want To Breakup, Maybe -- Will, Rachel Biello, Kevin Hines
  7. We Are Depressed -- Ptolemy, Kevin
  8. Improv - Vivian Girls
  9. Shakespearean Cops/Mullet - Jeff Campbell
  10. Guy Who Really Gets Into Daily Routines -- Rob

May 2002


Show 7 -- May 18, 2002
  1. Let's Get Ready To Rumble - Rob
  2. 1,000 Cats -- Brett Gelmen
  3. A Very Simple Plan - Will, Kevin, Rob, Jane, Mitch
  4. Improv - Curtis and John
  5. KISS 103FM, Atonal Music -- Mitch, Myles
  6. Music - Moye
  7. R.A. Wants Sex -- Jane, Mitch, Will

August 2002

Show 8 -- August 28, 2002 - DR2 Theater
  1. Sleep Walkin' Guy - Rob
  2. Spam Poem - Jane
  3. Escaped Convicts - DeCoster and Rocco, Rob
  4. Improv - Curtis and John
  5. Office Romance -- Ptolemy, Jane, Myles, Rocco, Rob, Will
  6. Benicio Del Toro - Will

September 2002

Show 9 -- Sep. 7, 2002
  1. Ask Bobby -- Rob
  2. Intro, Porter Imitates Rob
  3. Stand-Up - Dan Powell
  4. Iggy Pop vs. Journey - Will, Kevin
  5. Stand-Up -- Owen Burke
  6. Traffic Jam, Y'all -- Jane, Porter, Will
  7. Improv - Rocco and DeCoster
  8. Stand-Up - Ed Helms
Show 10 -- Sep. 14, 2002
  1. Sexy Date -- Rob, Myles
  2. Intro -- Rob
  3. Stand-up - Owen
  4. Dad Wants Closed Casket -- Will, Gemberling, Kevin, Rob
  5. Stand-up -- Powell
  6. Death to Barry Manilow - Jane
  7. Naked - Ptolemy
  8. Stand-up - Ed
Show 11 -- Sep. 21, 2002
  1. Baby Stroke -- Rob, Rocco
  2. Intro - Rob
  3. Laughing - Will, Ptolemy
  4. Sketch - Rocco and DeCoster
  5. Sketch - Jane and Anthony King
  6. Singers -- Paul Scheer and Dannah Feinglass
  7. Monologue - Curtis

January 2003

Show 12 -- Jan. 11, 2003 - Red Room Theater
  1. Ask Bobby -- Rob, Will, Jane, DeCoster
  2. Intro, Eat food in one minute - Rob
  3. Corporate Sponsored Play - Curtis and John
  4. Stand-Up - Ed Helms
  5. Folk Singer Audience Hates Guy - Jane, Will, Myles, DeCoster, Rob
  6. Traffic Jam, Y'all - Jane, Porter, Will
  7. Stand-Up - Owen
Show 13 -- Jan. 18, 2003 - Red Room Theater
  1. 7th Grade Girls Basketball Coach -- Rob, Jane, Myles, Ptolemy
  2. Intro, Mensa bits in one minute - Rob
  3. Retard Juice -- Will, Mitch
  4. Face Your Fears, Literally -- Jane, Will, Myles, Mitch, Rob, Ptolemy
  5. Embarassing Psychic -- Curtis and John
  6. Brother's girlfriend -- Ptolemy, Birch Harms, Krista Amigone
  7. Dead Baby Company -- Mitch, Jane, Will
  8. Stand-Up - Owen

February 2003

Show 14 -- Feb. 1, 2003 - Kraine Theater
  1. Toughman competition vs/ audience -- Rob, DeCoster
  2. Battleship Earth w/ Audience - Curtis and John
  3. Poop -- Will, Rachel
  4. Reggie -- Jon Daly
  5. Lazy Super -- Rob, Will, Jane, DeCoster
  6. Office sketch -- Ptolemy, Krista, Rocco, Myles, Rob, Will
  7. Film noir musical -- Jane, Erin Rose Foley

March 2003

Show 15 -- Mar. 1, 2003 - St. Mark's
  1. Academy Awards -- Rob, Will
  2. Stand-up - Powell
  3. Oh No You Di'it -- Rob
  4. Churley Mindoh - Curtis and John
  5. Guilty White Middle Class Male Party of America - Rob
  6. Barry Mannilow is the Devil -- Jane
  7. Gandhi vs. Rob -- Rob, Will
  8. Not A Hooker - Myles, Mitch, Will
  9. Osgood Outtakes - Rob, Will, Gemberling
  10. Dan Fernandez -- Rob Huebel
Show 16 -- Mar. 8, 2003 - St. Mark's
  1. Sexiest Man Alive -- Rob, Will
  2. Bringing Up Nanny - Mary Regan
  3. Oh No You Di'it -- Rob
  4. Homosaurus Rex - Mitch, Will
  5. Stand-Up - Owen
  6. Subway Announcements - Rob, Will
  7. How I Turned My Life Around - Brett
  8. Gandhi vs. Rob - Rob, Will
  9. Dancing - Jane and Mark-Sam
  10. Song/You Took My $80 - Ed
Show 17 -- Mar. 29, 2003 - Chelsea Playhouse
  1. Hologram -- Rob, Robbie Shaw
  2. Breakup - Ptolemy, Krista Amigone
  3. Terrorist Check -- Rob
  4. FBI Agents - Dannah, Paul
  5. Debutante Club - Jane
  6. 7 Habits of Highly Effective Small Intestines - Rob
  7. Hushabye Mountain - Curtis and John
  8. Freedom Fries from Better Off Dead - Jane and Rob
  9. Stand-Up - Rob
  10. Romantic Date - Paul, Dannah

April/May 2003

Show 18 -- Apr. 4, 2003 - New UCB Theater
  1. Straight-Jacket -- Rob
  2. Stand-Up - Owen
  3. 7 Habits of Highly Effective Small Intestines -- Rob
  4. Homosaurus Rex - Mitch and Will
  5. Terrorist Check - Rob
  6. Sing-A-Long - Ed and Powell
  7. Hey, Shut The F Up - Mitch
  8. People Meeting Each Other Song - Jane and Fountain
  9. Silmarillion - Will
  10. Riddle - Joe, Neil, Amey, Ryan
  11. Mandy Moore - Rob, Will
  12. Stand-Up - Sean Conroy
  13. Subway - Rob
  14. Peace Sing-A-Long - Jane and Fountain
Show 19 -- Apr. 11, 2003 - New UCB Theater
  1. XTC Sing-A-Long -- Will, Huskey, Rob
  2. MC Skills - Jon Daly
  3. Rocking Out To The Car Stereo - Rob, Will
  4. Banjo, Ukelele - Ed, Jake Tylove
  5. You've Got To File Your Taxes - Rob
  6. Blind Date - Macchio
  7. Gandhi, Rob Diary - Rob, Daly
  8. Birth Mother - Jackie, Marian Rosin
  9. Crackhead Posters - Rob
  10. Monster In A Wheelchair - Huskey
  11. Oh, No You Didn't - Rob
Show 20 -- Apr. 18, 2003 - New UCB Theater
  1. Get Psyched For The Show -- Rob
  2. Retard Juice - Will and Mitch
  3. Rocking Out To The Car Stereo - Rob, John
  4. Job Interview - Rocco and DeCoster
  5. Hitler Mustache - Mitch, Will, Rob
  6. Relationships - Andy Secunda, Ptolemy
  7. Social Etiquette - Rob, Jane
  8. Stand-Up - Owen
  9. 7 Habits of Highly Effective Small Intestines - Rob
  10. Welcome To The Hotel Secret Porno - Jane, Will, John, cast
Show 21 -- May 2, 2003 - New UCB Theater
  1. SARS conference -- Rob and Jane
  2. Improv - Owen and Jackie
  3. Subway - Rob
  4. Hindu Spaceman - Hypocrites (Brock M and Eliot K)
  5. Ja Rule vs. Rob Lathan - Rob
  6. Stand-Up - Powell
  7. Social Etiquette - Rob, Jane
  8. Trainer - Rob, Will
Show 22 -- May 9, 2003 - UCB Theater
  1. SARS conference -- Will and Jane
  2. Funny - Paul & Dannah
  3. Mother's Day Gifts - Will, Jane
  4. Watching the Game - Jeff Scherer, Andy Rocco, Benj Hewett, Andy Scully
  5. Guardian Angel - Rob Huebel
  6. Mother's Day For Table - A Table
  7. Tubthumping - The Hines Bros
  8. MC Record Deal - Jon Daly
Show 23 -- May 16, 2003 - UCB Theater
  1. MTA Chairman -- Rob
  2. Comedy Duo w/ Mute -- Paul & Dannah
  3. Social Etiquette -- Jane & Rob
  4. Volunteer for the Elderly - Jackie
  5. Stand-up - Jane
  6. Mandolin Player --Ken Keech
  7. Welcome To The Hotel Secret Porno - Jane, Rob, Paul, cast
  8. Stand-up with requests -- Ed
Show 24 -- May 23, 2003 - UCB Theater
  1. Cult Leader -- Rob
  2. Hooters Stewardess -- Alison Becker
  3. Gym Trainer -- Will & Rob
  4. Murderer Rapper - Brett
  5. Terrorist Check - Rob
  6. Fox News Kids -- Mike Ludwig, Will, Alison
  7. Mandy Moore -- Will, Rob
  8. Sushi Song -- Adam Koppel

June 2003

Show 25 -- June 6, 2003 - UCB Theater
  1. High Energy with Current Events Opening -- Rob
  2. Sketch -- Paul and Dannah
  3. Terrorist Exchange Student -- Jane and Rob
  4. Music -- Ed Helms and Jake Tylove and Ian
  5. Bartlett's Quotation -- Scherer w/ Porter
  6. First and Last Place Air Guitar Contestants
  7. "I Could Kill You!" Stand-Up -- Ken Keech
Show 26 -- June 13, 2003 - UCB Theater
  1. Ask Bobby -- Rob, Jane, Mitch, Kula
  2. Stand-Up -- Jane Borden
  3. Superstar Diva In A Wheelchair -- Paul & Dannah
  4. Stand-Up -- Powell
  5. Talking Plant -- Mitch & Rob
  6. Lesbian Character -- Jackie

July 2003

Show 27 -- July 18, 2003 - UCB Theater
  1. 'Doing Time for Osgood' Monologue -- Rob
  2. Getting Caught Up In Introducing Next Act -- Jackie
  3. 'The Warners' (Missing Child that Tells Jokes Couple) -- Paul & Dannah
  4. Love Letters - Laura Bucholz w/ Andrew Tucci & Alison Blanche Mayer
  5. Stand-up - Owen
  6. Super Jew - Will, Mitch, Natasha Levinger, and Brian Berrebbi

August 2003

Show 28 -- August 1, 2003 - UCB Theater
  1. Solo Civil War Reenactor - Rob
  2. In Love with Guidance Counselor - Will, Amey Goerlich, Natasha Levinger
  3. Mom Introducing Her Son, Timmy - Jackie
  4. Mandy Moore - Will and Rob
  5. Baseball Sketch - Laura B, Terry Jinn, and Mike Ludwig
  6. Chess - Will and Rob
  7. Short Film - Eric Appel
  8. Roberto, the Guardian Angel - Huebel
Show 29 -- August 8, 2003 - UCB Theater
  1. Totally Nailing the Pranksters -- Rob, Will, Mitch
  2. Dartmouth Sketch - Police Chief Rumble (Katie Dippold, Angeliki George, Jeff Hiller, Chris Kula, David Martin, Will McLaughlin, Bobby Moynihan, Charlie Sanders)
  3. Straight Man Showcase -- Will w/ Rob, Moynihan, and Mitch
  4. Jesus Telling Jokes -- Paul and Dannah
  5. Zeus Playing Pictionary -- Will, Natasha, Kevin and Jen
  6. Sherpa Friday 5:00 Whistle -- Mitch, Rob, Natasha, Jen
  7. Wolfdick -- Eric Appel & Ben
  8. Chess - Will and Rob
  9. Stand-up -- Sean Conroy
Show 30 -- August 15, 2003 - UCB Theater "Blackout ‘03 Special"
  1. Where Were You When the Lights Went Out? -- Rob, Kula
  2. Physical Comedy in the Dark -- Paul and Dannah
  3. Interpretive Scene On the Past 24 Hours -- Rob, Kula
  4. Militant Camp Counselor/Jeremy Shockey/Priest at Rock Concert -- Rob Riggle
  5. Da Bobby's -- Rob and Robbie Shaw
  6. Crazy Patient -- Violet Krumbein
  7. Gun Monologue -- Pat Baer
Show 31 -- September 19, 2003 - UCB Theater
  1. Hurricane Intro -- Rob, Will, Curtis
  2. Where's Karen -- The Cowboy and John
  3. Osama Claiming Responsibility for America's Misfortunes -- Rob
  4. Cellphone Cancer -- Will
  5. Shiner Jones -- Rocco
  6. Robot Nightcap -- Mitch
  7. Tiger Woods playing Dodge Ball -- Rob, Will, Kevin, Gemberling
  8. Jeff Hunggate from Toto’s One Man Show - Kula
Show 32 -- January 10, 2004 - St. Marks Theater (no heat, toilet didn't work)
  1. The Escape Artist - Rob, Will & John
  2. Where's Carol? - Curtis and John
  3. Jane - standup
  4. Hockey Fans - Will, Rob, John (in diapers) & Joe
  5. Broadway Musical Showcase with hand puppet - Kula
  6. bit: "Hold on, I'm on the can!"
  7. McCoy and Judge - Joe and Neil
  8. Seth - standup
Show 33 -- January 24, 2004 - UCB Theater (w/ drunk heckler)
  1. The Escape Artist - Rob, Will & Kula
  2. Sean Conroy - stand-up
  3. Talking House Plant - Mitch and Rob
  4. Happy Dancer Jon Bon Jimbo - Huebel
  5. Jane - stand-up
  6. That Pickle Looks Like a Dick! - Mitch and Will
  7. Staged Play Reading - Kula, Will & Rob
  8. Owen - standup
Show 34 -- February 7, 2004 - St. Mark's Theater (w/ drunk heckler)
  1. "I’m Moving to the Archipelago de Los Chonos" -- Rob & Will
  2. "Big" Reenactment -- Rob & Will
  3. Stand-up - Roger Hailes
  4. Marv Albert Announcing Paddle Ball -- Rob & Will
  5. Brad Steuernagel -- Midwestern Housewife
  6. "Hold On! I’m On the Can!" -- Rob & Will
  7. "News" Parody -- Jane & Susannah Hegner
  8. Cellphone Cancer - Will
  9. "Social Etiquette" -- Jane & Robl
  10. Barry Manilow -- Jane
Key to Repeat Performers:
Brett -- Brett Gelmen
Curtis -- Curtis Gwinn
Conroy -- Sean Conroy
Daly -- Jon Daly
Dannah -- Dannah Feinglass
DeCoster -- Matt DeCoster
Ed -- Ed Helms
Gemberling - John Gemberling
Huskey - Brian Huskey
Jackie - Jackie Clarke
Jane -- Jane Borden
Scherer -- Jeff Scherer
John -- John Gemberling
Kevin -- Kevin Hines
Krista -- Krista Amigone
Kula -- Chris Kula
Mitch -- Mitch Magee
Myles -- Jessica Myles
Noel -- Noel Dineen
Owen -- Owen Burke
Paul -- Paul Scheer
Porter -- Porter Mason
Powell -- Dan Powell
Ptolemy -- Ptolemy Slocum
Rachel -- Rachel Biello
Rob -- Rob Lathan
Rocco -- Andy Rocco
Sean -- Sean Conroy
Will -- Will Hines